Mapping our Journey - Classy Dan Part 2

Yesterday I shared the first layer leading up to Classy Dans puncture. In the process of learning and healing I have made myself peel the onion layers and map the cause and effects of situations in her career. Today I'm going back to her 6 yr old season. It started early spring with the Lakeland College Alumni Rodeo, I had been riding her all winter so she was fit for February. She made to great runs we ended up 2nd or 3rd in the average. It was that Monday I noticed a cough, I gave her the week off but she got sicker, she ended up on antibiotics for a bad respiratory infection, which lead to more time off . She was scoped and given a clean bill of health by April but remained sensitive to dust and allergens for the summer. I kept her hay soaked and went to soaked cubes often, we seemed to have it managed she went back to running tough until Aug when she had to be stalled in Regina for SBRA finals, she was coughing and struggling for air after her first run. We went to a tack store down the road and on the shelf was a 'natural product' for cleaning out her lungs and helping with her air. I snatched it up I couldn't hurt if it was natural right? And I must admit it did help her breathing but at what cost? I had honestly glanced at the list of ingredients and at the time saw no red flags. I continued to run her on it and ventipulmin as prescribed by her vet. We seemed get the air troubles under control but she had backed of despite me feeding he a high energy high protein diet. By that fall I was about gone crazy in my head trying to figure out how we were in the bottom of the 1D what could be going on back to the vet we went. 
For a year we went in and out of the clinic I switched vets, it must be his fault right. She was never actually lame anywhere, we stitched her up in case she was taking in air. Injected hocks and fetlocks cause her stifles were sensitive. She continued to work smooth but I didn't find those 5 tenths at the vet clinic either. But looking back I had left out the cough because I was managing it with the magic natural stuff. So my new vet was out of the loop on her respiratory sensitivity and he didn't know what she looked like before I started feeding her up. Let me tell you she was always a well built mare but she was getting really big and stout in my mind it was a good thing. Classy ran in spite of me and the mistakes I was making in her care. 
Looking back I can recognize the change in her body as a result of what I was putting in it. I was pumping her full of starch, fillers and wrapping I in sugars so it tasted good. I wasn't mixing this up myself but buying it off the shelf recommended by fellow barrel racers. But I know this is shocking but very few of us are nutritionists, we know what seemed to work for this horse I that horse but very few know why it worked and have you ever wondered if they won in spite of what we are doing? There are good buggers out there that can win regardless I have seen it.
Anyways, I was slowly giving my lovely mare insulin problems with my prepared feed and hiding an airway condition feeding a "natural" product filled with more natural sugars, but I carried on oblivious. I had a really nice horse and was willing to "take care " of her the best I could and we would win right?. She was mildly body and joint sore even though she was in shape and I had bought her a magnetic blanket online. I had no idea reversing the omegas in a horse could create that mild joint soreness or that not all magnetics are created equal or used properly. I had her worked on by therapist and she would feel better for a while but no one is magic enough to fix your horse at a cellular level when you are feeding them 'poison' , or when they don't know the full story. Granted some of them aren't interested in the details but the good ones they are.
Poor Classy Dan , probably felt like sh*t. She continued to try but was slowing down, hit or miss ( it was likely because some days I didn't fill her as full of sh*t). I began rodeoing on her hoping to have one of her hit days in the right pen. I found myself in a place where my desire to win at a high level meant just about everything to me. All I talked and thought about was becoming a better barrel racer ( I'm not even kidding, and you would think I would have got better at it lol) I got good at giving myself excuses but didn't ever cut Classy any slack . With all the stuff I'd tried on her you'd think I would step back and think maybe she's not the problem. Maybe she waiting on me, maybe just maybe I should get in athletic shape and stay caught up and out of her way. Maybe make her job easier??? Nope never even occurred to me. I was a size 1 why would I work out? ( maybe cause skinny doesn't mean strong or balanced) 
Meanwhile my awesome little mare kept trying for me we were crying hole to some of the best which considering she was packing me really was quite amazing. Some of my idols commented on her consistency, and try, we just needed a little more. Fees , fuel , time it was adding up to bills I couldn't really afford but I didn't want to quit I wanted to win. It's hard to explain and embarrassing to write where a 20 something's head goes when you believe you have a chance at your dream (even if its delusional) . She was growing sluggish almost lethargic at times back to the vet I went. This is moment now is when we put our Vets in a tough spot they want to keep us happy , they want are horses to feel their best , but there are limits to the magic they have too. Classy needed a pick me up , and she needed 2 more tenths. Once a week for 3 weeks I walked the plank and took the dive into what I thought it took to win in the big leagues. I was wrong and she paid the price.....